I don’t want to be a feminist anymore. Like a five-year-old, I want to close my eyes, stick my fingers in my ears, stomp my feet on the floor and scream “No! No, you cannot make me, I won’t, leave me alone!” I am, simply put, too tired. So very, very tired.
I am tired of fighting with my friends. I am tired of arguing that someone groping and slapping my butt isn’t “what I have to expect”, just because I’m at a bar, and the one attacking my butt has a drink in the other hand. I am tired of hearing “boys will be boys” and “when you’re dressed like that …” and “that’s just what guys do”. I am tired of trying to drown those sentiments in loud, repetitive no’s, screamed over and over again, till my throat is sore and my voice weak – just to hear them repeated, as soon as exhaustion threatens to silence me.
I am tired of being afraid. I am tired of seeing someone writing something offensive, sexist, racist, ageist, ableist, somewhere online. I am tired of seeing those writings getting likes and lol’s, and SO TRUE’s. I am tired of being consumed by confusion and anger, typing, typing, typing and typing a seemingly endless response, including research, links and statistics, and then hesitate clicking “submit”. I am tired of knowing that I hesitate because I am afraid of the flood of responses that will come. I am tired of knowing that I will be bombarded with lighten up’s, stop whining’s and get a sense of humor’s for so long, that I will start to wonder if I am indeed wound up too tight, a nagger and humorless. I am tired of the fact that I’m afraid of being called a cunt, even though I don’t find genitalia insulting or demeaning.
I don’t want to be a feminist anymore.
Feminist Fatigue is a thing and I have it.
This is exactly how I feel. I want to forget about all this stuff. I want to be able to laugh and joke and pretend I don’t see everything I see now. Really, this is going to sound like a dumb analogy, it’s like starting to read TV Tropes. You become aware that its a thing and at first you get excited to spot a thing, then to spot two things, but soon watching TV is seeing everything that is coming, everything that is happening. You notice all the details. But then it isn’t TV anymore, you are speaking in trope-speak. Feminism is like that. At first it is depressing but interesting. You always thought you recognized the injustices but seeing how they relate to you personally makes them that much easier to spot. Then you start noticing not just sexism but homophobia, racism, classism. It all starts building. You stop being able to hold your tongue. It’s like you gained a new, intrusive, sense.
It is illuminating but awfully depressing.
I have angry liberal fatigue.